Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Paano mo i-handle ang mga Back Stabbers

If people talk behind your back, it only means you're two steps ahead ! - Fannie Flagg


Ano ang gagawin mo kung may mga taong sinisiraan ka pag nakatalikod ka. What do you do when people are talking about you behind your back? Di naman tayo perfect kaya it's normal na sometimes na napag uusapan tayo. Kung maganda yung topic about you. Well and good. Pero paano kung sinisiraan kana?  It feels awful and it isn't pleasant to deal with. You do have choices though, from doing nothing and ignoring it ,yung bang kiber ko sayo I'm not affected ang drama mo o pwede rin patulan mo na by confronting the gossiper ( Sabihan mo ng STRAW ka ba? Bakit ? Di ka lang plastic , sipsip kapa , LOL away kung away , joke lang - peaceful confrontaion lang ) . It all depends on the context and how you wish to respond.

Part 1: Maging sigurado ka kung totoong may sinasabi nga sayo. qst step is Being sure

    1.    Dapat sure ball ikaw yun. Maling mali ang agad gumawa ng hakabang without validating and assessing the veracity or truthfulness na napag uusapan ka. (uy veracity, ang lalim nun) Be certain that you are the target of malicious gossip. It wouldn't do to assume that you're the target and go after the person responsible, only to find out that it was not about you after all. Nga-Nga , epal ka ng epal di naman pala ikaw yun napag uusapan. Things that might indicate it's about you include:
        Rumors that reach you specifically name you as the person the rumor is about.
        People associated with the gossiper laugh, act embarrassed or look away when you approach them.
        Someone has the courage to tell you openly that the gossiper is disparaging you behind your back.
        You have caught the person in the act of saying mean things about you to others.
        There is some other form of evidence, such as a recording, a video, an email or a text message.

    2.  Pag usapan.Talk to your friends about it. Which of your friends do you really trust? Ask this person or group what they think about what is being said. Be aware that some of them will probably feel embarrassed for you and may find it uncomfortable to talk about it directly; try to make things easy for them to speak honestly.

Isumbong mo kay Punisherano.
        Maging maingat sa pagtitiwalaan. Be careful about which side your friends are veering towards. Get your friends to back you up, and give them time to decide whether they want to go against the gossiping person, supporting you. Rome wasn't built in a day, and one person didn't build it either ––just be careful about which of your friends might lean more towards the gossiper's viewpoint.

Choice A: Dead Ma mo lang and Choosing to ignore the gossiper



    1     Do not overreact. Di ka naman sasali sa Famas Award. Whether or not you choose to ignore or confront the gossiper, stay calm at all times. Getting upset is only going to feed the gossip and can end up substantiating in people's minds some of the things being said, just by behaving poorly.
    2    Realize what motivates the gossiper. Ano ba nakukuha nya for doing such, It is probable that this person is jealous of you or simply mean-spirited by nature. Seeing the petty reasoning behind the gossiper's actions can help you to stay chill and not respond in kind or give any credence to what is being said.
    3    Be laid back. Pretend like it never happened. Often the greatest insult is to not even pick up on the fact that someone is attempting to insult. Let it flow over you like water off a duck's back. Give them the silent treatment. Laugh it off. Be so super nice that they don't know what to do in response.
        Remember that this person won't be in your life forever if you're at school. Paying attention to their petty trash talking now won't help you get to where you're going, so leave them way behind and follow your goals.

Choice B: Confronting the gossiper

 
    1   Decide to confront the rumors. If things are so bad that the rumors seem out of hand and you feel that ignoring it isn't going to make it all go away,lalu na kung karangalan and nadudunigsan na ang yung pangalan (wow may pinaghuhugutan ahahaha ) you may find that confronting the person is the better option. Again, remain calm to stay in control at all times.
        Again, do you have friends who will back you up if you confront the gossiper openly? This may be helpful in some contexts.
    2    Begin by asking "what's up?". Ask this person why they feel compelled to spread rumors about you. Tell them that such trash talking is likely to spoil your friendship or acquaintance. Sometimes it's enough to put a person on the spot to have it stop happening.
        For example: "Bette, George told me that you said I was lazy in that project. He told me you wished I hadn't been a part of your team. It was hurtful to learn that but I want to hear your side of the story. Perhaps I have not heard it properly and have the wrong end of the stick. Could you please tell me what your real concern was about my involvement in the project?"
    3    Tell the person to stop spreading lies and gossip about you. Let them know you have heard what has been said, that it's patently untrue and that you do not appreciate the fancy story-telling. Don't be emotional or make a big deal about this; the briefer you are, and the firmer you come across, the better.
        Stick to the facts. Do not name-call, do not make known your suppositions about the other person's motivations (those are to help you understand better, but not to use for goading) and do not get upset. By using the facts, you avoid giving the other person ammunition to use back against you.
        For example: "(NAME) , I really wished you had come to me first to say you didn't like my efforts. I'd have explained what I was doing and tried to make changes if they were needed. But I won't stand for lies about my character and abilities. If you want to say something, tell me openly now. Otherwise, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop making up stories about me." And you may wish to add "That way, I won't have to take this any further/ tell so-and-so what is going on" if you feel a further solution needs to be emphasized.
    4    Shrug it off if the gossiper gives all sorts of excuses. Make it clear you know they're making excuses and that all you want is for this person to stop behaving in such an immature way. Even if you sound like a broken record, restate your wish that the rumors cease.
    5    Seek help. If the rumors and nastiness escalate in a way that you feel you cannot handle personally, find support from people who can step in and do something. This might be teachers, a counselor, parents, friends or a supervisor. Most institutions (schools, colleges, workplaces, etc.) will have policies in place to deal with situations where a person is being intimidated or abused by another person.
        It can sometimes be helpful to have witnesses or people prepared to share what they have heard or seen if the gossiping turns into bullying and/or vicious rumors.



Tips

    Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let it go. Don't be friends with this person if they are spreading rumors about you, and don't change yourself or your personality to stop the rumors.
    Be the bigger person and let it go. Sometimes angrily confronting someone shows that you are weak enough to be bothered by their rumors.
    Don't force your friends to help you. If they are backing the rumor-spreaders, find some new friends.
    Walk it off. Go home, take a bath, listen to relaxing music, turn off your phone, and take a nap.
    If you're younger than your bully, then just think about how when they get into the real world, older people won't put up with their bad habit.
    Question the loyalty of the person who tells you someone is talking behind your back.
    The people talking behind your back, are insecure, and feel they must be better than you. Just remember to not take it personally. You aren't the only one who they are negatively talking about. These people have problems also. Just highlight in your own mind the true cons of these people's lives without telling them, and it will all make sense. Just stay calm and ride above it, you have your own life to live. Who are they to judge you?
    Don't show a reaction. Sometimes reacting in a bad way could make things worse.


    Pay no attention to those who talk behind your back! it simply means you are two steps ahead!
    If your rumor-spreaders are just teasing you they will do it to your face.
    Sometimes, clearing your name and reputation means losing friends. But real friends will stick with you.
    Ignore that person, be laid back, and surround yourself with amazing students and friends. It will agitate them more, and soon they will realize that its hopeless and will stop. However, it takes patience. Be very patient, kind, and try not to be naive. Too much kindness can lead to becoming naive.
    Even though you don't like the person, treat the person like anybody else in your class.
    Pay no attention to those who talk behind your back! it simply means you are two steps ahead!